how to teach a man to enjoy a blow job?
I have a new mission. One that I certainly did not expect.
Nate and I have an awesome open relationship. I’m falling in love with him and it feels spectacular. But giving him blow jobs has been a precarious feat for my ego these last three months. I’ve found it difficult to get him completely erect. It’s not like he would remain flaccid, but I just felt like my efforts weren’t reaching the same peaks they have with other men. I was starting to feel down on myself, like I wasn’t doing something obvious and that he was judging me for missing it.
So last night while we were cuddling naked on my futon I told him how I was feeling. He reassured me that I was doing a great job and that he admits to being difficult to get off.
“But how can I improve? I want to be able to pleasure you and I need some instruction.”
“Well, actually, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not very experienced with receiving blow jobs. As in, before you, I can count the number I’ve had on two hands.”
Wait, really?!?! I was totally aghast. Keep in mind that Nate has a similar partner history to me, so I was caught completely off guard. Given the number of women he’s been with, I did not expect a lack of oral sex to be the reason at all.
“So basically, my brain just isn’t trained to relate pleasure to that experience. I don’t really know what to do.”
I asked him whether this was a result of a pattern with past partners, such as: make out, feel up her breasts, go down on her, have sex. Which is exactly what happened the first time we fucked. Basically a series where he initiates oral sex and then has penetrative sex before she feels the need to reciprocate. He agreed that this was the main reason. He just really likes getting his face in there, which he’s stellar at by the way. Now I know why!
Needless to say, all of this made me feel much better about worrying I had suddenly lost my expertise at giving head. It also made me think about how myself and others often assume sexual experience without even asking. It reminded me of the end of high school and beginning of university when everyone assumes they are the only ones who are still virgins and that “everybody except me” is doing it (see full study here).
In the middle of reacting I double checked to make sure my response wasn’t making him feel ashamed. No one has the right to make another person feel bad for not being experienced in some realm or with sex at all for that matter. The media does enough of that already. He kissed and held me when I said, “I want us to figure out how to make oral sex enjoyable for both of us.”
He pointed out his most sensitive area to me. “I think this is where it felt really good, but honestly it’s hard to remember.” Underside of his shaft, lick from the base to the head and swirl around. Makes sense. He asked me for suggestions on how to enjoy it. I gave him a few off the top of my head, but I would love to have some more to share with him.
What advice do you have for Nate to enjoy blow jobs?
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bolinaosunset liked this
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isavedsexeducation answered:
been in his same position, and i think the trick is for you to just initiate it, assure him you love it, and will take as long as he needs
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gingertwist posted this