the reveal, the pain, the new direction
Dear amazing readers,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Specifically about my relation to you, the way I present myself to you, and how I am only my best self for you. Being a fantasy has been titillating, but it’s honestly gotten boring for me. Perhaps for you too. By only telling you my craziest stories, I’m ignoring a lot of myself, my relatable experience and knowledge, as well as the realities of my own relationship to sex.
Both Tara and my real self are performers. I enjoy showing off, displaying myself and my talents; my confidence grows instantly through smiles, applause, and interaction. I’m also totally obsessed with pleasure. I seek it out in many forms and often let desire guide my decision-making.
But I’m also extremely vulnerable. I use performance and my overt sexuality to hide what I’m scared for people to find out about me. So far I’ve only continued that trend in ginger twist.
What I’m about to reveal is a reality that (seriously) 95% of the people in my life don’t know about me. I’ve thought long and hard about sharing this. I want you to know that writing this and publishing it is very difficult for me to do.
So here it goes…
I have fibromyalgia. I’m in my early twenties and have lived with chronic, body-wide pain for most of my life. My body is considered disabled by the medical establishment. I appear healthy to everyone I meet - my disability is invisible and a consequence is my silence, it’s so easy to just grin, bear it, and have you think I’m normal. As a result, I’ve suffered from depression, fatigue, sleeping issues, and a constant fear that I’ll never be able to become the person I imagine because my physical body will resist my dreams for the future. That last one is probably the scariest of all.
I don’t take painkillers. I do stretch and exercise every day to hold off what most doctors admit is inevitable. I don’t tell people unless they know me really, really well because otherwise they will and have treated me differently (as if I’m fragile, constantly needing help when I’m not asking for it).
But the most important facet - I use pleasure, masturbation, orgasm, and sex to relieve my pain. Yes. Rather than giving in to my disability, I’ve given power to my vagina and to my sexuality. And it feels fucking great.
Revealing this information is going to give me an awesome direction for this blog. I will continue to create erotic writing about my experiences for your reading enjoyment. A huge portion of Tara’s identity is still being that fantasy for you to get off to and/or imagine yourself as - reading erotica was what inspired me to do this in the first place. I’m also still going to link to attractive musicians, music videos, and tunes that get me off.
But I’m going to add the dimension of dis/ability and sex. I’m going to share my experiences and give you the whole story. I’m going to educate, provide knowledge, recommend ideas and products that have helped me, and expand your mind. I’m going to explore the intersection between pleasure and pain in a unique way. And I’m going to be ridiculously sexy while doing it. I would love to hear your feedback in the comments, ask & tell, or you can email me at talkgingertwist@gmail.com.
Get excited, because I sure am!
Love & moans galore,
-Tara
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